Whether you are in a relationship right now or not, we, the introverts, have had some version of this experience.
People are waiting for us to talk more. It can be a strange place to be in, the person is really wanting to hear what we have to say. And that’s a good thing, except, that sometimes we don’t really have anything to say, so we either are silent, or we start to ramble. I’m not sure which of those is the better choice. For me, they both feel pretty terrible.
If this happens at work, with a friend, or taking transit home with a friendly stranger, it may feel a bit more manageable. We get a break from seeing are co-workers and friends, and may not ever see the random stranger on the bus.
But it’s a different story when it comes to our partners. We see them every day. We share our home, we share our bed, we share everything with them. Or at least that seems to be the expectation.
Our partners often crave to hear more from us. “How was work today?” I can answer that question in about two sentences and feel I have adequately shared. My partner feels like I have barely said anything. If the kitchen is busy with the activities of kids, we can move into being busy with them which gives me space from sharing more.
But the times that there isn’t anything else to focus on, I can feel the expectation to share more, say more, tell more. And sometimes I can, and sometimes I just can’t.
And when I can’t, sometimes I feel like I’m failing as a partner. But other days I am able to give myself permission to be quiet. What I have found that works best is that I build in quiet time for myself, which allows me to be more present with my partner.
If this is a common struggle for you and you’re curious how I may be helpful, feel free to book a discovery call with me to discuss this further.
Tracy, a fellow introvert and therapist, helps introverted people manage anxiety, find success in the workplace, and build better relationships.